This has become one of my favorite quotes of all time. I’ve had conversations with these words as I’ve gone through life, saying things like: “Yes, you’re right! The capacity to be alone IS the capacity to love. I get it now.”
I’ve also seen glimmers of light in other people, particularly friends that I love who are thriving in singledom. They have a happiness and freedom about them that, for someone who’s been deep in the grips of love, is hard to understand. How are they so carefree, open, loving, happy? Osho knows the answer: they are comfortable being alone. They’re at peace with themselves. They’ve had the time to grow and explore without another human’s goals and dreams tied up in theirs.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been okay with being alone – until I fell flat on my face in love, got my heart broken, and watched ‘our’ carefully crafted five-year plan go down in smoke and flames. Now, I’m unsure of what to do with myself. I miss the days where I didn’t long for a man by my side; I also miss the man that used to be by my side; at the same time, I find myself subconsciously hunting for a man to be by my side.
In some sort of epiphany, I realized that I needed to spend time alone. I needed to get closer to myself, and figure out what I truly want out of this beautiful life. I needed to forgive and sort through my feelings and pluck out the lessons and red flags that would help guide me in the future. I needed to get closer to my higher self, to the world, to God. And the path to self-discovery and spirituality and love can’t be bogged down by a lust for stability.
After heartbreak, the greatest gift we can give ourselves is our own undivided attention. In most cases, there’s years of growth and change that demand nurturing and care. Who have we become? What do we truly want? What do we don’t want?
If we do decide to find love again, knowing the answers to these questions sets us up for an even greater, more open love than we’ve ever known. To enter a love with confidence, knowing: I CAN give this love to you. I can give this happiness to you. Most importantly, I can love and cherish and support this relationship without losing sight of myself. Because I KNOW exactly who I am.
Finding peace within ourselves is a beautiful journey. While heartbreak comes with its pain and its scars, it gives us the freedom and power to build the life we want. It tears down our egos, our walls, and rips away our dependency and comfort zone so that we’re forced to toe the line of self-discovery and craft futures in our own image.