Posted in Thoughts

Stop Looking for Happiness in the Same Place You Lost it.


It should be easy. We know exactly who in our lives have hurt, betrayed, or left us. Yet, in tough times, it’s hard to shake off the history we had before things turned sour. As humans, we’re creatures of habit. And when life is far from ideal, it’s easy to go back to those we once relied on for love, light and support in times of trouble. Even if they’re the reason behind the trouble we’re currently drowning in.

This is why so many of us run back to exes to soothe the heartbreak that they largely caused; why it’s so difficult to cut ties with long-standing friends and family, regardless of how glaring their flaws may be. Letting go of love is one thing; shuttering down old habits and comforts is quite another.

I wish there was better advice to offer, or a deeper recognition of why heartbreak is such a messy, awful thing the deal with. (I mean, really, it is just the worst) For now, though, this absolutely rings true: stop looking for happiness in the same place or places you lost it.

The short term might suck tremendously, but wouldn’t we like to get better in the end? A few months from now, standing your ground and refusing to text your shitty ex or agree to an awkward lunch with a two-faced friend will make a difference on your happiness and wellbeing.

No matter how awful it is to hold out right now, today, just do it. Keep moving forward physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

You can’t possibly heal if you’re still allowing the same toxic people to participate in your life. It takes time for the poison to make its way out of your life.

After going through a really, really tough breakup, I realized how many people around me had felt the same. Some were happy, some were still struggling, and some seemed to be on the way to forgiveness. It depended on the person, but their post-heartbreak progress seemed to mostly be tied to how much time had passed.

I still have good and bad days, but the good have begun to outnumber the bad. I’ve kept myself busy with soccer, surfing, gym, running, kickball, and spending time with family and friends that I know, love and trust with my heart. Not to be cliché, but this, too, shall pass. As long as we take the necessary steps to allow it to.


Aloha and welcome! I'm a small business owner, athlete, and mom-to-be in Honolulu, Hawaii, seeking to live the kindest and most compassionate life I can. From plant-based recipes to low-waste beauty to business lessons to travel, this blog is all things real life.

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